{"id":1556,"date":"2022-03-31T11:14:22","date_gmt":"2022-03-31T15:14:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.apccanada.com\/?page_id=1556"},"modified":"2022-03-31T16:58:05","modified_gmt":"2022-03-31T20:58:05","slug":"self-sacrifice-and-people-pleasing-is-not-the-same-as-kindness","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.apccanada.com\/self-sacrifice-and-people-pleasing-is-not-the-same-as-kindness\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-sacrifice and People-pleasing is NOT the Same as Kindness"},"content":{"rendered":"

Self-sacrifice and People-pleasing is NOT the Same as Kindness<\/h1>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n

Written by Ina Backbier on March 31, 2022<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Self-sacrifice and People-pleasing is NOT the Same as Kindness.\u00a0\u00a0 Well-being\u00a0 Self-sacrifice and people-pleasing may look like kindness, but it isn\u2019t nice at all.\u00a0 Kindness can be deeply healing AND too often I see kindness used as a survival strategy.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is another way.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have written about people-pleasing before but inspired by a conversation with a friend this morning, I feel called to bring a deeper awareness of how this may look and its harmful impact.\u00a0 We have so often been conditioned to meet the needs of those around us and to see self-care as selfish.\u00a0 We are all busy juggling the many demands of life and the next day \u201crinse and repeat\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, I invite you to PAUSE and dive deeper to investigate your decisions, your thoughts and motivations <\/span><\/p>\n

Looking back at my first career in international project management and having worked with plenty of high-performing professionals in my current career, I often see self-sacrifice and people-pleasing driving many decisions. Intention matters, and people-pleasing, which is ultimately always rooted in fear, always comes at a cost.<\/span><\/p>\n

People-pleasing is an adaptive behaviour that once was an effective survival strategy and that has become habituated, either to gain something (acknowledgement, acceptance, approval, sense of belonging) or to avoid something, such as fear of rejection.\u00a0 It may be effective still in the short term, but many end up with burnout, health issues, relationship struggles or something else had to give. And of course, we end up feeling taken advantage of whilst it was our own behaviour rooted in feelings of unworthiness, fear of conflict or rejection that contributed to a lack of boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n

Change starts with awareness.<\/span><\/p>\n

The following behaviour has nothing to do with being nice, it is people-pleasing:<\/span><\/p>\n